Complete Chaos

Hi Everybody,

I thought I'd take a moment to give you all a picture of what my life looks like at the moment. Are you ready for this...

Complete Chaos characterizes my life at the moment. I have five weeks to finish this awful thesis. In the far chair are the books that have been used for the first half of the third chapter (which is done for the time being), the pile of papers on the table is only one pile of many spread throughout the house of notes and articles and writing. This particular pile is for the second half of the third chapter (the chapter from hell). There is a book under that stack entitled You Just Don't Understand... it's about the communication differences between men and women. It not only relates to my thesis, but my marriage...but that's another matter for another time. The 2 stacks of books are waiting for my eager (not so much) hands to search through them for chapters 4 and 5 as is the stack of papers and books on first chair. the chair I sit in is padded nicely cause I spend so much time in front of the slowest laptop on earth and my butt gets incredibly sore, not to mention my back. I haven't even gotten to the vast amount of articles and word documents on my computer. Fortunately Chapter 3 is almost done, I hope it's good enough. There have been whole books written about the amount of information I'm trying to fit into this chapter and I've read many of them. There is my never ending glass of water that is usually a cup of caffeinated tea. There is also my mp3 player cause James and I try to go to the gym 3x/week. my phone and the church phone for other business at hand. and lets not forget the never ending flow of mail on the other side of the table.

I just got home from the library at ISU. That was an adventure in and of itself that caused a slight breakdown. I didn't realize you had to pay to park at the library and I had no cash on me. So I went to the gas station only to buy gas and a drink and realize they wouldn't give me cash back so the tears that flooded only a few hours earlier came back and I drove to another gas station and pulled myself together enough to go in and ask for change back...and had to buy a candy bar to do it... so all in all a free trip to the library cost me $10 in gas, 1.50 in pop, a candy bar and 2.50 in parking... not so free, but at least it was productive.

I think the life changes and challenges of the last few months have come to a head and I think my stress level hit the roof about 5 o'clock yesterday when I got home from the library in Lincoln yesterday and my poor husband got the brunt of it, when he only deserved a little of the hostility radiating from my body and lungs. Oh well, I have at least one major breakdown in the writing process of every paper. I just hope this one has run its course for the week.

I really needed to get all that out. Thanks for listening...if you are still with me there's a few things you can pray for if you would like: diligence, clarity of thought, focus, endurance, understanding and sanity are just a few of the things this household needs for the remainder of this thesis. :)